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Picture of Doodle - a 
black cat

Welcome to Doodlecat, where we enjoy the pleasures of life (with a slight bias towards the outdoors). This page is regularly updated with news and views plus information about any additions or changes to the various parts of the site. It acts as Doodlecat’s Blog too, so the odd rant considered opinion may pop up from time to time.

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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

It's Snow Joke!

I received the little piece below in an email this morning. This is for every southerner who has been lured by the delights of living in the north :-)

THE DIARY OF A LONDONER LIVING IN SCOTLAND
 
'MY FIRST WINTER '
 
DEC 20th It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we've seen for years. The wife and I took out our hot toddies and sat on the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It's so beautiful and peaceful.
 
DEC 24th We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did both our driveway and the pavement. Later that day a snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shovelled it away again. The children next door built a snowman with coal for eyes and a carrot for a nose, and had a snowball fight, a couple just missed me and hit the car so I threw a couple back and joined in their fun.
 
DEC 26th It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees and bushes snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now a brownish - grey.
 
 JAN 1st Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought  snow tyres for both our cars £500. Fell on my arse in the driveway. £100 to a physio but nothing was broken.
 
JAN 5th Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought her a 4x4 to get  her to work. She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the right wing - £200. Had another 8 inches of white shite last night.  Both vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush - that bastard  snowplough came by twice today. Where's that bloody shovel.

JAN 9th
More f####g snow. Not a tree or bush on our property that  hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a paraffin heater which  tipped over and nearly torched the house. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd Degree burns on my hands. Lost all my eyebrows and eyelashes. Car hit a flipping deer on the way to casualty and was written off.

JAN 13th F****g bastard white shite just keeps on coming down. Have to put on every article of clothing just to go to the post box. The  little buggers next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back - I'll shove that carrot so far up the little @#*#ks arse it'll take good surgeon 6 hours to find it. If I ever catch the arsehole that drives the snowplough I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart with my teeth. I think the bastard hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he accelerates down the street
 like Michael 'f*****g' Schumacher and buries the f*****g driveway again.
 
 JAN 17th 16 more sodding inches of f****g snow and f*****g ice and f*****g sleet and god knows what other white shite fell last night. I am in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver with an ice - pick. Can' t move my f******g toes. Haven't seen the sun for 5 weeks. Minus 20 and more f*****g snow forecast!!!
 
 F*** THIS, I'M MOVING BACK TO LONDON !!! 
(original author unknown)

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was NOT me! Wouldn#t move back south if you paid me, the qua;ity of life is much too good for that!

Derek

January 20, 2010 at 7:02 PM  
Blogger Louise said...

Nope, I'm not moving back either. I'd have to travel too far for the hills and wildlife. Actually, think we got off lightly with the snow our way!
Louise

January 20, 2010 at 8:06 PM  
OpenID peewiglet said...

LOL...

January 21, 2010 at 6:36 AM  
Blogger baz carter said...

Thanks to John Manning for bringing this up - put a smile on my face this morning :)

January 22, 2010 at 9:54 AM  

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